Having it all...

My plan is to resume posting on a regular basis... hopefully with a bit less self-examination and whining.  So, enjoy this self-examining / whining post :)

My flu turned pneumonia then turned into what is most likely pleurisy.  It's a problem with the tissues that surround the lungs but the main point I want to make is that it makes it excruciatingly painful to laugh, cough, and (oh.my.god.) sneeze.  I'm up and about this week for the first time in almost 4 weeks.  This is officially "Buttkicker '12" and I, for one can't help but take heed of the message it brings along with it:

I can't have it all.  I can't have a wonderfully close and loving relationship with my kids and husband AND a satisfying career AND good health AND a cute butt AND sanity.

Guess which was the first to go (some might argue that the other four took a nosedive as well)....

The satisfying career.  So, it only really amounted to 10 hours a week in its current incarnation but it's been 10 hours of wheel-spinning, guilt-having, and progress lacking since the beginning of March.  I'm a quitter.  It's one of my greatest fears to be labeled a quitter and now, with complete justification, any number of soil geeks in the greater Fort Collins area can call me one... legitimately.

So, I'm sitting here in front of my computer, feeling pretty dang small (but not in the girth sense), a little lost, and sure I did the right thing.  I hope no one at work is feeling nearly as bad about this as I am but if they are, I have to shoulder it, face it, and get over it.  

I want my health, my family, my cute butt, and my sanity.  Some are more out of reach than others but they're all attainable. 

Sorry to the people I've disappointed.  I'm going to make it up to the ones who call me Mom and wife and I'm also going to make it up to me.