Time warp and way to man's (well, OK, 10 year old boy's) heart = through stomach

Over our (snot-filled) Thanksgiving Break, the kids worked on their Christmas lists. I don't know if it was the febrile dementia or what but their lists are particularly offbeat this year.

C wants several items to make her Big Spring Break Adventure more comfortable/stylish plus a few little goodies but the thing that blew my mind? My child wants legwarmers. She was quick to point out, however, that when she says legwarmers, she doesn't mean:

She means:

Biiiiiig difference. I'm glad we cleared that up. Of course, if she asks for some Aqua Net and a teasing comb we're gonna have to get to work on that intervention.

A's list was pretty normal (?) this year - just a Snuggie (??), some eggnog, goggles (I'm assuming they're for swimming, but knowing my giant question mark of a youngest kid, she could be asking for a full-blown welding mask!), a trip to the zoo, and a small outbuilding big enough for her and a few assorted reptiles and amphibians.

Well go on with your bad self, Ms Garbo, I'm sure you do vant to be alone. Sadly, a detached studio/meditation room/hibernaculum just isn't in the budget this year... how 'bout a lock for your bedroom door?

Other than the requisite Wii games and Lego sets, R has requested two hard-to-find-in-our-town fried potato products, Pik Nik Shoestring Potatoes, and Salt and Vinegar flavored Dirty Chips. I can't believe I'm about to order cases of tater chips from Amazon, and even more incredulous that I'll be wrapping them and putting them under the tree* for my only son. The heart (and stomach) wants what it wants, I suppose!

Mr. K's list is pretty tame, mostly consisting of a guilt trip's worth of requests for his favorite meals (been a little too long between breakfast burrito batches, I gather), a deep yearning for a bike that, when I started googling its components, had the bike geek message boards bubbling with discussions about how to best smuggle them into the country from England. Luckily, he also wanted "a pencil sharpener that actually works." I don't want to spoil any surprises but...

Me? Well, my list consists of sexy things like "new washer and dryer because dryer makes a moaning noise and washer smells like feet," a firepit, and "clean up your crap."

Clearly, I was smack dab in the middle of the grumpy phase of our holiday virus.

Really all I want is world peace, hugs from my kids, a footrub from my husband, and for them to all clean up their crap.

See? I'm a regular Sugar Plum Fairy.

*Mental note: Remember to get tree.