Without (imaginary) safety net...

Today is the day I have a chance to talk face-to-face with my supervisor for the first time (he has been on a longish stretch of international travel) about my planned exit from day-to-day work at the lab. I have a backlog of projects that will keep me busy for several months but I am not accepting any new tasks nor am I committing to being in the office more than 2 days per week (due in part to the fact that the fabulous college student who watches our kids has gotten a fabulous job in his field).

I'm not leaving because of any grand drama. I have not been wronged. I woke up one morning and remembered the main reason why I went back to work 2 1/2 years ago -- to give myself an outlet to feel like "me" again. I had been so absorbed by my mom and wife roles that I desperately needed something that gave me a different kind of personal satisfaction.

Not surprisingly (to anyone who knows me even a little bit), being over-committed, under-appreciated (relative to the stress and pressure I put on myself), and modestly paid research assistant did little to improve my sense of personal satisfaction. I have a great job in many ways - which is why I've held on to it this long - but I decided it will be a great job for someone else, too. As I realized that I wasn't getting much personal satisfaction at work, I redefined my reason for working as a financial "safety net" for my family. I knew I wasn't being honest with myself (we couldn't even begin to live on what I make - I think I brought home $10K last year after taxes, and child care expenses) and I'm far better at frugally managing a household than I am at managing stress at work along with stress at home.

I have no idea what I will do next. Before I can explore the "next" thing, I have to wrap up this one. I have a backlog of personal and professional priorities.

I need to figure out what I really do want and need to do and I am extremely lucky to have the ability to explore that option once the kids return to school in the Fall. Hurray for gainfully employed spouses (I suddenly have the urge to knock on wood)!